Lost and Found: No More Self Pummeling, More Peace

Frantic searching about
A padded envelop containing
Required materials for
A job in 2 days.

Not finding,
Blood and panic rises
Room pilfering,
Stuff piled high, evacuated.
Unfound, still,
What am I to do?

Distractions from the last 4 years
Tumble forth
Backpack dumped on porch
So many unwanted items relating to
Things I had wanted us to do,
Never done—
A glove for bowling—
Odd, random things,
Never mine to begin with—
Large running gloves
Black men’s socks—
Thrown at me.

Teetering in the hallway,
The sheer amount possible
To cram into one room astounds.

Funny how thoughts of you
Contain no longing,
No missing,
Little curiosity of
What you may be doing now
No contact remains easy.
Deletion of my existence
You said you wanted.
That is so, now,
And shall be.

A swipe left
Four years gone instantly
Many months leading up to
Unbridgeable divide, prolonged,
Dried and withered us to dust

No story line left for you.
No more self pummeling about
The how and why of that ending either.
Over, just done.

Instead, my heart twists and turns
Letting go of a sweet, flawed boy
Who said he expected my leaving,
Whatever that means
How sad.
In absence of any anger,
I ache for this loss.
I possess nothing of his.

Heart racing
I sit back and breathe deeply
In the emptied room
Calm down.

I go to a different room for a break
And spot the needed envelope.



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