Vacation Anticipation—The Benefits are Real

Three am and wide awake.
Last night marked the first
And only attempt at packing
For my week long trip to Mexico.

And while it’s not that far
Or “foreign” really,
Preparation is still necessary
And includes being sure
To have things like bug spray,
Coral reef safe sunblock,
Medication doses, antihistamines,
Bandaids, Neosporin
(Which I’m certain I have
But cannot find),
A 50th anniversary card
And much more.

Oh, and water the lawn and
Pay some bills
Before you go, now.

Yes, I’m super lucky
To be taking a direct flight
In a few hours to what
Is supposed to be an amazing
All-inclusive resort
To celebrate my parent’s
50th wedding anniversary.

I know I’m making
Packing progress by
How alarmingly full my bag grows
As the sun rises.

Yet, in all honesty,
I haven’t put much time,
Thought or energy into the endeavor,
Odd for me.

“Are you and the kids
Looking forward to the trip?
What do you want to do most?”
I’ve been asked
To which I find myself
Shrugging, inwardly because
I don’t even have any answers.

I’ve read that at least half
Of the fun of a vacation
Is all the plotting, planning
And consideration you make
Beforehand about what
You will do when you are there.
The intoxicating thrill of
Anticipation provides
As much satisfaction and happiness
As actually going on the trip and
Experiencing things in real time.

But instead, I’ve been and
Remain annoyingly preoccupied
And bogged down with
Matters of the heart.

I wish I was better at
Letting go of people that
Really need to be released
Into the sea of memory.

So self disciplined in other ways,
I experience jelly fish resolve
When it comes to
Putting distance between someone
Out of necessity to be able to
Move on,
To heal,
To start over.

I want warm salted breezes,
Strong sunshine,
Infinite oceanic tides and
A feeling of belonging
To soothe my soul
Help me forget
To be free
While still learning and
Having the wisdom to know
There’s no more point—
To move past mistakes
To look forward
While striving to live kinder.

I want this shift,
This movement towards focusing
Way more on people and things
That work well in my life
While leaving behind
Those that bring me
Anguish and despair
For a lighter,
Less convoluted existence.

I hope time away
Will enable this reset.
I’m counting on the
Much needed assistance.


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