When a Relationship is not Viable but the Idea is Exciting

…So I wonder how things
Would be between us
If I were in a relationship
With you
So unpredictable, unreliable and
Perhaps not even “good for it”.

Your eccentric magnetism
Excites me, which is annoying
Because really, I wish that
My desire and ability
To be alone for a bit
Were stronger forces within me.
That might be healthier—

For me to spend some time
Forging a new identity and
To be able to examine my interests
On a self determined schedule,
In my own way,
Not according to what
A man wants or needs.

Problem is, I’m drawn to men
Like a moth circling
A lamppost’s hope
Glittering in the night.

Thus, certain highly intelligent
Males warm me and
Make me weak in the knees
Leaving me intensely interested
In their lives and thoughts.
And, maybe unfortunately,
I’ve never excelled at remaining
“Just” friends with men.

So I smile when
I think of what you said
The other day and
Look forward to the
Surprising comments you’ll make
Whenever “next time” is.

No, a relationship
Is is not viable right now,
If you were even interested.
I have way too many metal prongs
Bending and melting into
Altered abstract shapes
Shifting every which way
Within the flames already.

But anyway, you’ve made me laugh
And stimulate my mind.
The bit of time and the
Small piece of yourself
You do give
Pulses bright electricity,
That’s plenty…



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