Your Lust for Travel Leaves Me Forlorn

Calendar blank spaces loom ahead
Absences, again
A whole month this time
Doesn’t really work for us.

New rules of conduct:
We can be with someone else
While traveling and while apart
Weigh on me—
Baffling navigation cause deep,
Forlorn misery inside.
How can this work?

I’m certain that
I can uncover willing “victims”
To fold into my arms for a bit
But I know I don’t know how
To “do” casual very gracefully.
That for me,
Intimate physical sharing
Begs for meaning, genuine interest
And at least the
Possibility of commitment
None of which “causal” encompasses.
So likely, I’ll avoid
Tasting any new intimacy altogether
Though I can make new friends.

What about you?
What choices will you make while
Romping along Southeast Asian beaches
Without me and nothing but
Ocean lapping at your ankles forever?

Will you find someone
To fill your loneliness hole
As best as possible?

Will you tell her
There’s no future in this
While you also hold hands,
Look into each other’s eyes
And kiss under the brilliance
Of a magnificent sunset?

Will you utterly
Confuse this person with
Explicit words of “temporary”
While you wine and dine her
As well as well as pay for
All her accommodations and flights
To various destinations
Within Malaysia
You had planned to see?

Will this person
Begin to fall in love with you,
In your arms every night for a month,
And then expect
Continued contact afterwards?

Will you,
Submerged within humid moments
Of mutual ecstasy,
Still love me while you
Feel the slight pull on yourself
Falling in love with her?

Will you establish firm boundaries
Of “Only while here and nothing else”
Or not, so that she, in fact,
Ends up bleeding into
Your US life after all
By filling your phone
With text messages and phone calls
While you are with me?

Afterwards, when I’m off
Doing something else,
Will you continue
The flame you created
By Skyping with her and by
Making additional plans
To travel together again?

Can I trust that
You will still love me
After spending a month
With someone else?

More importantly,
Am I able to trust and
Love you in a “forever” way
After I know you’ve had
That intimacy, even if
Doing so falls within
The new rules?

“Leave a light on
In your heart for me
For when I return,” you say.

Streetlight bulb shimmering
In the dark night,
Chilly now, leaves me
Shrugging my shoulders
Amid guant shadows
Shifting out of the blackness
As I turn and walk away.

Forlorn

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