Almost My Soulmate

Skin rubbed away raw,
Torn, seeping blood
Revealing the scrubbing
I’ve been doing to
Finally acknowledge
The pain of truth
That’s been festering for awhile
But which I did not want
And could not bear to see—

That you,
So close, so close, were
Almost the right person for me
But in the end, are not.
That we are not going
To be able to
Grow old together after all.

For quite some time there,
We were so golden.
We had scaled ourselves
Up to a most beautiful
High ledge of togetherness
The envy quality of
All relationships—
We had that for awhile, you and I,
Yes we did.
And I will always
Love you for giving me
This extraordinary gift
Of you.

But too much happened
This past fall that drove an
Unrepairable wedge between us.
In the midst of my pain,
Of our turmoil
As well as our
Concerted efforts to mend,
I fell out of the
“Forever” kind of love with you
And found, however hard I tried,
That I could not recover
That I could no longer climb.

But I did not want
This to be true and so
Kept this wound covered
And hidden even from myself
By using band aids of
Hanging on to the
Many good parts left.
I kept the infected idea
From spreading by
Applying topical ointment
Appreciation for your genuine
Sweetness towards me
And by dipping deep
Into my own reservoir of
positive feelings
I had towards you.

Those efforts proved insufficient.
We crumbled and caved
And fell victim to
Increasing arguments
And degraded quality interactions.

We are finished
And we need to be.

I can move on and forward now
To search within me
On how to become well again.



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