Atmospheric Head Spaces Cleaned Out and Reconsidered

My atmospheric climate
Still shrouded in clouded pain
About things done and over
Makes me cringe and
Want to run away from myself.
How can I become
More well again?

“I love my life moments”—
An exercise to shift focus
To lighten mental load
To look forward
To surface from
Swampy bog heaviness
Drowning despair
To leave mental deserts
Filled with land mines
Unleashing anger shrapnel
Ambush cutting through
Tender skin,

I consider listing ways
Of my being in love…

Cognac—dusted cherry
Cheery finish pepping up
Any glass of red wine
Already lustrous in
Varietal swirls housed in
Oak and dried dark berries
Makes me smile in
My newer discovery
Of coloring an evening’s success.

Just a small pour, now,
A wee wine spike
To respect the unexpected
And often sudden slamming
Spirits can wield…

Masculine “play”
Fleeting, meaningless and harmless
Makes long hours
Standing on concrete floors
Under bright lights at
International trade shows
Highly entertaining—
Bringing me
More in touch with
The sheen of my internal beauty
And any lightness of being
My soul possesses.

“I’m a student at
Colorado School of Mines
Studying super computing,”
A dashing, dark haired
Man with olive toned skin
Tells me.
Locking eyes, we smile.
I feel feminine attraction inklings
Moving within me
Immediately dissipating
As he moves on to the next booth.
I didn’t even know
This person’s name and
Knowing wouldn’t matter anyway.

“I’ve developed and
Programmed database processes
And now am head of
Texas A & M’s campus computer
Administration,” another
Nameless man lets me know—
His cocky, confident
Self promotion and
Blatant male preening
Warm my insides, momentarily,
Regardless of his short stature,
Barely my own five foot height.

I retain a soft spot
In my heart for males
Possessing strong quantitative
Analytical abilities
Making good money—
What can I say?

Thanksgiving holiday approaching,
I seek friendship and family building
Here at home, for once,
Not wading though airport lines
Crammed into tight flight seats
Breathing questionable
Controlled air.

We have, in our situation,
What I consider a luxury this year
Of not having to travel anywhere
During the holiday season.

Those are a few
Of my favorite life moments
That come to mind that
Bring me slices of joy
Right now…



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