Anger courses through
My veins, curdling,
Disfiguring smile fragments
All crooked and cracked
To force light in
While socializing with
Daughter’s friends
During college homecoming weekend
Alongside their parents
So polished and tall
Fresh from Nova Scotia vacation
Loss of right arm,
Now rotting at the stump,
An amputated heart
Dulls eye twinkle,
Discoloring future outlooks
Taking me away
From fall foliaged
Daughter focus.
I’ve spoken of
My recent evisceration
In great detail lately and
Will tamp a heavy lid
On those emotions
For the time being,
Switch gears for sanity’s sake,
To breathe sunshine
Through my exoskeleton
Spread my toes wide
To feel prickly grass creeping
Through phalanges
While spreading a flowered blanket
On the ground to
Unpack picnicked goodies
Present in my life.
Peering into
My gratitude basket
Stiff joints creak in dusty,
Rusty protested must.
This past month—
Embroiled in
Emotional beheading,
Corpse flaying
Skin left brittle and
Hung out to dry,
I’m a bit out of practice.
But here I go
Grabbing items by the neck
Wriggling with reptilian reluctance
From exposure to daylight…
My luck is with me
In the in-law department.
Not everyone has extended family
She can stay with
In different cities
Who will house, feed and
Drive substantial distances
To visit Daughter.
I’m lucky for being
One able to hop a flight
To travel to northeast hinterlands
For parents and homecoming weekend,
In the first place
To see Daughter’s new life now.
Coffee and wine
My primary daily liquids
Run plenty on this trip
As do puppies, fall leaves,
Kid activities—bygone
In my own life
And so missed—
So the trip has been
A successful, good one.
My birthday approaches—
I’m blessed with
Supreme physical health
Muscles rippling with
Striated use
Strong functioning
Internal organs,
Facile inner systems,
Well oxygenated blood
Surging through every capillary
So far so great
So much so that
I’ve begun looking into
“Racecation” destinations
To travel to
To run a half marathon
At sea level
Versus higher altitude
In the US and/or
In another country.
Not everyone can pull that off
In her mid 40s…
Friends will “willingly”
Gather to celebrate my
Increasing wisdom
Noshing on fried food and drinks
While we lose track of time
And forget the world’s troubles
To karaoke our hearts out.
I’m aware that not everyone
Including myself, at other times,
Can pull that one off either
And I’m thankful on many levels
That this year I can.
I smile inside
For the delicate souls
In my family still breathing
Into their lives and mine—
My children, my partner,
My parents, my sister
Who even called me yesterday—
All precious beings
Alive and well enough
Hospital/nursing home free,
Unhindered by chemo or surgery,
All ambulatory,
All speaking and making
At least decent sense, thus far…
I haven’t lost anyone
For anything yet.
I know someday I will.
Everybody does,
But that time is
Not quite here yet.
That kind of fmaily fortune
Still runs through my fingers.
