Obesity–Impossible to Overcome for Someone Else. Day 29 of Getting Dressed

Another steaming coffee
And burrowing under the covers
With a book?

I’ve had enough caffeine.
Although fabulous,IMG_4258
I have already read
This book once before.
A tug of melancholy
Pulls me down
An Immobilizing torpor.

Overcome.

Go outside,
Pull weeds
water the lawn.
Grass shouldn’t gasp
From dehydration because
My own mood is low.

The acidity of my thoughts
Makes me stagger.
Instead of thoroughly enjoying
The moment of being
Out to dinner with my family,

I watch with dismay,
First, as he finishes
The shared appetizer–
Underwhelming ravioli,
Which turns out to be fried,
Sitting on a bed of mushroom–
While sipping sangria.

He then turns attention to
A favorite food group of his–
Pizza.
He single handedly demolishes
A 12 inch sausage and onion pie
Piece after piece–

“Please, don’t eat the whole thing!”
I think
An unstoppable train wreck.
He leaves an empty,
Oily white plate
In what appears for him,
A bloated, guilt-free aftermath.

My heart sinks.
Feelings sour to disgust
As I see this person beside me–
Once so tall, handsome
And full of life’s potential
And still mostly super kind–

Comtinue eating by
Working on the tiramisu–
An impressive log
Of pillowed decadence
We got for all 3 of us share
But which he finishes off
By himself.

Life does not always
Pan out the way
Our youthful bright-eyed selves
Once imagined.
People need enjoyment
To be able to go on
Day after day
With what they see as
Drudgery in their lives.

“So don’t spoil things
By saying something
He will interpret as mean and
Just let a person enjoy!”

I didn’t express a word
Of my thoughts
But still.
A diluted,
Though definite negativity
festered.

I wish to be
A different kind of person,
A better, less jusgemental one
Then that.
Who do I think I am, after all?
I felt sad for myself
That at that moment,
I fell so short.

Problem is,
We cannot ever appear
To discuss this topic
Dicey turned ridiculously toxic
And unreasonably explosive
Considering the imminent,
Upcoming health issues.

As the years pass,
Stomach billows out and hangs
Dangerously over waistline.
Aesthetics aside,
Progressive weight gain
Well beyond “overweight”,
Deep into “obese”
Has given rise to back problems,
Resulting surgery,
Pre-diabetic blood sugar levels–
That’s all I can think to list now
But I’m certain
More consequences will manifest,
Sooner than later.

What about quality of life issues
And about being a partner
To someone else when
You don’t appear to care
About taking steps
To improve your health?

Difficulty with
Light physical activities
At mid 40’s make longer walking,
Standing and stair climbing
Required on a college campus
A heavy breathing,
Sweaty and arduous undertaking.

What about any hiking, biking,
horse riding, city or art
Walking tours
Or short evening walks
In the park together or even
Carrying his own luggage
At the airport?

Nope, none of that is possible.
Nothing that calls for
Body use is.

I wonder how much weight gain
Without much effort to combat
Crusted over by
Little conversation about curtailing
Is too much?
For him
But also for me?

I believe I know the answer,
For me anyway,
At some point in time.

The resulting waves
Of which salt my heart
And make me weep.

Overcome

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