Immerse: How Crashing Into a Person Can Happen Unexpectedly–Day-14 Getting Dressed

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We desire to learn
And grow in life,
Not be held back by
Any aspect of our pasts.

But what if your past self
Was so lithe in
The moment’s immersion,
In the movement of
A quivering hand,
An inner thigh caress
Against your own leg

The seizing of
Gendered beginnings,
Lengthy middles and
Peaked endings that
Gave warmness in bleaker weather?
Always upfront,
You offered no promises
Or emotional commitment
Just some time together
Before moving on,
A bright future and
A great smile.

The cherry picker that you were
Left people overexposed, freezing
While holding a sack of pits,
Skins and a whole lot of emptiness.

What if later
Your back became more bowed
Weighed down by life’s rings of
Sorrow, joy and worry
But with tree trunk richness
Gained from earning layers
Of meaning that leave you lined,
More dog eared and
A little limp at times?

What if now, a silver prince,
Your personality remains strong
Runs deep
But is more worn down
With moth holes eating away
Into fabriced history?
A medicated tentativeness
Pausing play
Picking up
“Um”s and “Uh”s
In the recordings
That leave you a bit faded
Washed out, relatively speaking,
And superbly kind?

What if nothing.
That’s the timing finesse
Of life’s encounters.
You cannot have
The evolved considerations,
The infinite lavender
Appreciativeness of now
Without the sore heart aches,
The wrinkled heavy sadness
That over takes certain days
Darkening life’s patina.

You didn’t get to eat
From the table populated with
Outstanding commitment to
Experience life fully
Without also sampling
A spicy temper and
Flawed ideas about
Using multiple women’s bodies
For your own
Researched enjoyments.

That is the way of things.
The wish I have
To meet you so much earlier
Remains as potent of a brew
As pointless as the
Trajectory is

Not just due to the impossibility of
Going back in time
But also for the fact that
There’s a good chance
We wouldn’t have connected then

That we would have likely
Gone on to forge the
Different paths we took anyway,

To have the very children,
Exactly delightful and beautiful
As they are,
That we did.

But I still wish for the impossible
Because I cannot help
But believe
I could have “saved” you
From making some of your
Troubled choices that
Contributed to the perfect life’s
Destruction anyway

That I understand
How to navigate your needs,
Moods and insecurities
So that utter devastation and
Desecration might have been avoided

And that maybe you
Might have “saved” me too
From some of anguish that
Cut my own heart and
Made me want to leave this world
Early at times
By reaching my
Ragged dehydrated spots.

Who knows why
I get stuck here
In this tunnel of thoughts
Swirling in the wind of
Consciousness.

Immerse

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