Ruminate: Living Peacefully in Hasty America–Day 13 of Getting Dressed

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In my bee striped state
I fly now in crooked
Unpredictable zig zags.
Swaying with the eccentric beat
Of my own wings,
I diverge from known,
Well understood paths
In search of what
I determine are
Delectable petals to chew,

Ones that leave me woozy with
Sweet nectar fulfillment,
Not knotted ambition or
The striving for
A certain, defined future
Nearly as much as before.

Is that “OK”?

Will loving
A gentler paced, smaller life
Drunk on particularistic minutes
That nurture excellent relationships
With my children, my family,
Select friends,
Maintaining the best health
I can be so lucky to have,
Eating and drinking
Delicious sweets and savories,
Reading,
Making time for ceeative expression
And having flexibility
During each day–be “enough “?

Was I even destined to fulfill
What I’ve read is an
“Inspired,” (goal driven) life
That positively impacts the world
Anyway?

What if I concentrated mostly on
Changing myself inside–
Growing to feed and improve
My own worn spirit’s workings
Without any big plans at all
To participate in doing
Meaningful service for something
Greater than my own life?

Instead of lusting for feasts in
Fame and fortune troughs,
What if I drew down
To make the quality
Of my own inner self
My first priority
For determining life choices

Versus those propelled by
Intentions to do
Something Great,
To help others,

(I know we’re supposed
To want to help others–so
Could that please be
A second priority)
Make the most money,
Gain social approval,
Or anything else?

Consequently, what if
My outside world remains plainer
But I seek and find
Something pleasurable within it,
Because I choose
To see beauty forms every day–
Does that make me boring?
Provincial?
Apolitical?

Hazy thoughts ruminate,
Steam rising
From dawn’s tea cup.
I’m certain
I like
My new emerging story
And more joyful self,

And yet,
I am still uncertain how to
Celebrate my initial
Personal learning successes
Without worrying how,
What can seem like
Aimless complacency,
Conflicts with society’s labels,
Definitions and expectations
For how to live in a
Proactive, amped up and
Inspired manner.

How to balance a
Protestant based work ethic
And “go-go!” ethos
Ingrained early from
Immigrant parents
And thus part of my heritage,
Identity

With a newer
Offshoot discovery of beauty
Found in living
In slower contentment
And quiet peace?

I remain unresolved.
That’s all.

Ruminate

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