Tremble: Waiting for This to Pass

My heart wants to burst
With the agony only unlikeables
Sinking deeply beneath
Misery’s quicksand know.

An explosion of
Breaking blood vessels
A trillion-man capillary army
Gushes out onto the pavement
Rampant in flow but
Evaporates up into
Immediate anonymity.

Where does my love go
My hopes
What I look forward to
What I expect and dream of?

Poof!
Healthy outlook
Extinguished instantly.
A candle snuffed out.
Positive inspired movement
Gone,
Just gone.

Dry mouthed days like these
Feel like a lifetime wasted.
No more stories to pen
No more drawings to make
Or people to make smile,
Nothing.

Notions that this world
Wasn’t made for me
Or that I
Wasn’t made for this world,
Like I just don’t fit in anywhere
Job and career wise
Socially
Emotionally
Physically
Weigh on me.

Each passing moment realized
A ten ton rock placed
On my already bent back
Hard and relentless,
Crushing
Leaving me paralyzed.
Maybe I’ll just go away,
Vanish in an insignificant haze.

But no.
I will not just disappear
Because I exist.

I hate drowning in
This bleak desert,
The luxuriating in self pity
Is numbing, pointless.
I half know how to swim and
Probably even want to float
To the surface light
But I can’t seem to
Get my limbs to work right now.

So I lay here in bed, midday,
And take shelter from
Rough wind’s tremble
Until better feelings overcome me
Or, at least until
The children come home
When I have to rise.

Then, I promise to be
Better company.
Equipped in well-being,
I’m sure to be more agile
As I stretch out long
To reach for
The utmost crafty branches
And plump fruits
Life has to offer.

Tremble

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