Replacement: Thinking “Things” Will Stand In for Happiness

Sun’s warmth
A welcome smile to break
The smooth unlined monotony of
Bleak January days

Restless in recovery mode
With its snail paced inching
I scan horizons
Wondering where to step next
What handholds to erect,
To own,
That will punctuate
Steroid inhaled days with
Staccato joy exclamations,
Moments to look forward to
So vital to “hanging on”.

Work prospects.
A free fall into calendar squares
Left blank and empty.
No real interest
To appease corporate desires
By being the front line “face”
Out in the field so people have
Positive experiences with brands.
Hasn’t seemed worth the drive,
Pay rate or type of engagement lately.
If not this,
What work seems more worthwhile?

There’s plenty Good to done at home
To serve as distracting
Replacements for living
An inspired life
While waiting to be well.
I just don’t feel like doing them
Walls and porches scraped, repainted
Bathroom updates,
Decluttering, cleaning.
But, family descends for graduation.
So these things must get done.
Sectors of homemaking
I fall short on.
Oh, for the love of
High end apartment rental living.

I marvel at you being gone so long
Touring Australia chasing “The Boss”
Boarding flight after flight
to Sydney, to Perth, to Adelaide,
To Melbourne, back to Sydney
To watch the same concert
Over and over again
In crowded ear drum busting events?
A type of vacation rigor
Utterly baffling to me.

Though not opposed
My soul remains unbitten
By any genuine travel bug as I
Still abide by creature comforts
In softly lit familiar hobbit holes
Regular workouts
Simple but ample second breakfasts
Routine tea sipping
Early turn in times in dark quietude
With a meaty book…

Still, I wonder if easy travel
Experiences will fulfill me
Window shopping Caribbean resorts
Blinding white beach properties
Non-motorized water sports
5 restaurants, 6 pools onsite
And all food and drink you can eat

Will being among large, hairy folks
Downing margarita after daiquiri
Sitting bloated under sandy umbrellas
Or waiting in a queue for
My turn to water ski or sail
Or to balance a third dessert
On my coffee cup’s saucer
Bring a greater sense of
Meaning and delight into my life?

I’m not so sure
But will let you know
How I decide seize life more fully
When in a better mood.



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