Unseen: A Matter of Values and Normal Boundaries

spa-plate

Occasionally the thought that
Maybe I’ll just never
Be happy,
Lucky in love,
Soulmate rich and steady
Tromps through my mind
Miserable, jaded
Ungrateful
For I know I have been given
So much
Joy
Expression
Experience,
Way more than I deserve.

A Love and heart so
Real, Forever
So flawed
May whisper,
“Come hither.”

And yet,
Questions of what is realistic
Dangle whispy threads that
Cloud and tarnish
My love’s patina.

Are you sure you want to
Submerge down into
Another’s family where
Time is merely a
Vague, negotiable suggestion

So you can drown in
Pinched frustration while
Clock watching
Especially when your own kids
Fully understand Mom’s
Emphasis on punctuality?

Can you remain fat and jolly
Among people
Who spend money
The good ol’ American Way
In an infinite fashion
For whatever strikes their fancy
As long as expenditures
Tangentially relate to the
Needs, wants and desires
Of adult children?

All expense paid
International and regular domestic
Trips for kids,
Their spouses
AND current boyfriends?

Where are the limits?

Does it sit well
To be part of a family
That pays entirely
For additional education
For their 30 year old
Daughter-in-law whose parents
Are also alive and well
In addition to paying, in full,
For the married and
Able bodied couple’s
– Health insurance
– Car insurance
– Car maintenance and upkeep
– Cell phone bills
– Housing
– Plus additional
Monthly spending money?

What about the needs and interests
Of step-children too,
Almost 40?

Can you smile, be civil and
Truly believe, “it’s ok,”
When your Love
Forgives over 50k
In X’s debts (and more) to him
So that he may
Safely continue his
“Best Ex ever” status
To make up for Past wrongs?

Lifelong shadows and ghosts
Flit about the ether
Unseen but are as definite
As the end of my thumb.

Is it possible for
An X relationship to be
A little “too good”
Particularly for X?

Can you hug, kiss, overlook
Your haunted Love’s
Glazed expression,
Sudden need
To use the restroom,
To change the subject,
To politely decline
Talking about such things

Always and Evermore
A turning away
A sweetened
“Leave that alone” stance
That leaves you feeling
Dusty and ineffectual
Holding a leaking
Bag of flour

When you try to
Address your concerns?

Are you sure a family
Where X’s rich sensibilities
Travel lust and
Rampant spending habits
Somehow continue
(Even though an X) to
Rule the roost

Is one you
Can participate in
Happily, constructively?

Or instead, because
You yourself strongly
Adhere to living
Well within your means
For you AND your own kids

Will you be put in a
Most unwelcome Grinch position
Of having to express
Long overdue “No”s
To beautiful, grabby hands
Who have heretofore
Known few limits?

If unable to say no
Will you be driven insane inside
About this clash of values?

Will your own restraint,
Interest in using
What is already there
And lack of excess
Be seen as laughable
And shrewish by this family
Instead of prudent,
Resourceful and sensible?

With your Love
Aging ever faster and faster
Is this unenviable position
Between this family and you
One you can realistically handle?

Maybe the ability
And luxury to
Live a lonelier but
More peaceful and quiet life
According to one’s values
Is
As good as it gets.

Unseen

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