Maddening Desolation During the Holidays

Arms and legs
Grabbing spider webs to
Try to slow my fall
Breaking under massive heavy.


Nothing left to catch me.

I have so much but
Speed downwards anyway.
Holiday rush
Headlong yet
Devoid of cheer.

Too much work
A Royal toothache
Make all the shiny to-do threads
Shabby somehow
Instead of handholds to look forward to.

Social media painting
Dulled emotional strokes
An addictive Novocain
Pulls me further under
While feeding

Too little work.
Instead of reveling in
Lighted peace and Time
I’d worry about missing out on
“Community” and making money.

The impossibility of my torn nature
Confounds me
A desolate, self imposed
Zero sum game I’m losing.
Will I ever be happy?
Why is living so hard sometimes?
How long will I live anyway?

The roar and bustle
Others around me.
Loneliness amid a Maddening crowd.


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