Scorched: Ashes that Some Leave

I wished that I wished
Everyone well
As we all proceed down
Vast universe highways
Doing the best we can.

But I don’t.

Ill thoughts about past
Fumbled relationships
Come, unbidden
Pointless as trying to
Quench thirst by
Dipping into an empty pitcher.

Lemonade can be hard to come by
Bitter rinds squeezed dry
Situations mangled and twisted
Beyond decency’s recognition
Leaving crumpled, scorched leaves
Blackened dust now.

Sometimes, your past ways
Knife into me
Spiking my heartbeat
Angry pitter patters to
Nowhere.

Mean.

Threadbare social skills
Thorns, claws, weapons.
Tearing me down
Ripping out family
Bone marrow structure.

All for cheap paperlit fire
Ablaze, a blinding flash
That died and
Left only
Wasted time.

Time’s supposed to heal
It helps,
But Still.
Sometimes your faceless words
Haunt.

Your intensity for picking at
My perceived inadequacies.
Always displeased about
Something I did or
Failed to do
Not good enough.

Never again.

Aromatic: Petals to Say Goodbye

Folks hop off jetted wings.
Tomorrow we join families
Our first set of holidays
Without you.

Body infiltrated with cancer
A marvelously well lived and
Outlived predicted life span by 10+ years
You Iron willed yourself to survive
Through Christmas but
Finally had to leave us last February.

At the funeral home
Most succulent blooms surround you
Lying there
So still
So peaceful
Now, pain free,
At last,
To send you off
With luscious rainbow kisses
Goodbye
So Aromatic
A noteworthy Opulence.

Graveside, one bouquet,
Magnificent in its solitude
Goes down into the ground with you.
I watch with paralysis
As shovels of dirt
Cover and then choke delicate pedals
Forever.

Time marches.
Children learn to drive stick shift.
They pin hopes and dreams
Upon burgeoning adulthood
They make college plans
Attend homecoming
Celebrate birthdays.

I smile because my heart brims over as
They grow.
I come to know their pungent senses of humor
And personal styles.

Simultaneously, I ache because
You and Carol cannot see how
Most minutes spent with them
End up being
Unfolding jeweled blossoms
Of discovery
To the people they are becoming.

I wish you could see.
I wish you could know.

Percolate: Coffee Shop Minutes

Not the coffee shop type
Sitting around “working” in
Jazz afternoon minutes
I’m here today, nonetheless,
Amid the season’s first snow
Dotting the cityscape with
Large crystal softness
Wet and confident in an
Unforeseen sureity
Serenity.

Maybe I could stay here forever
Abstract and anonymous
In peaceful caffeinated perfection.

Here, someone asks,
“What would you like today?”
And leaves me be.

Here, no one asks,
“When?”
“How?”
“Could you…?”
“Can I have..?”

Chai tea packs a serious punch
Scalding
Milky
Leaving me in a kind of
Timeless percolated haze
Where I can sit back
In an odd state of
Paused Zen with
Vague hope
I can make my life work out
For the better.

Windows of opportunity
Old Times and ties to cherish
Panes blurring
Whole family histories.
The luster of
Heritage.
New family?

A jumbled jig saw
Yesterdays and tomorrows
Float in my cup
Dangling simmering promises
Angled randomly
Inexplicably.

Percolate

Relish: Falling Forward

Clock hands turned back
A relish seasoning
Culminate fall
Make morning people giddy.

Day’s entangled mesh
Stretches out and onward.
Paths to navigate
Always.

But first,
In ambiguous pre-history
I inhale
The scent of my aroma
The lines of my own shaped essence
Flowing freely
Unhindered.

Before teens emerge
Smiling wryly
Hands held out for money, approval
Prior to prematurely aging men
Limping from slumber
Foraging for hot plates, attention

Here, there is Time and Place
For me.
A glass orb
Delicacy worth savoring
Not gobbled down without tasting
Nuance
Balance
Well being.

Quiet, yawning considerations
Memories, ideas,
Insights, plans
Lists
Combust in full color
Happily, swimmingly.

Relish

Stylish: Introvert Stepping out in Life

Time and robust health.
Oblong wispy gold
Run through my fingers.
I possess both, I’m lucky.

Actually introverted
My inner self is most comfortable
Remaining inside my own dark, cool shell
Among puzzles, audio books, cooking.
The familiar.

10-16-16 fantasy gardem.jpg

Still, I possess a zest
Of curiosity
To get up
Get stylish and
Get myself out there and
Live
By breathing in new
Artistic, cultural
Experience that
Satiate
My need to add sparkle to
Dusty routines.

Robischon1.JPG

I seek audacious glass blown beauty
Wondrously delicate
Masses of swirl.
Wealthy wood carvings
Massive, mechanical
Maniacal in conception and execution.
Intersection of line, color, texture
Melding and juxtaposition

robischon5

I’m no expert.
Still, serious joy abounds
Holding a wine glass
While considering
Unconventional traffic jams.

Stylish

Copycat: Join, if you can’t Beat

Continuing
Proceeding
“siguiendo”

Shaping a replica of a
Successful, happier person
A copycat clay project
Muddy dimensions
Relentless intention
Leads me to
My lucky list for the day:

– I revitalized leftover mushroom burger into a savory lunchtime hash complete with a sunny side up egg.
The older endings of meals gone well can get forgotten and then eventually must be tossed. I saved this one today though.

– I voted.
I accidentally discarded the envelop to return the mail-in but was able to get a new ballot to drop in the box today.

– I selected and ordered a willow “Good Health” angel for my recently widowed stepmother-in-law. After Father died, the relationship with Step remains ambiguous. I don’t know what will happen there. She is not in the best health herself either. I did want her to know that we are thinking about her.

Copycat